4 Internet Words We Need To Stop Using In Real Life

THE INTERNET!

is a strange place. It’s probably the closest we’ve been to finding a brand new country with its own type of language in the past 30 years. LOL SRSLY?! LMAO ROFL. See? I guarantee you understood all of that crap. Certain aspects/phrases/activities from the web have begun to cross over into our daily lives (unfortunately). It’s usually stupid stuff like saying Ermahgerd (*shudder*), twerking, tweeting, tagging etc etc.However, some “INTERNET WORDS” have entered into our venacular and I, for one, won’t stand for it.

General reaction to someone saying the following words in public.

Here’s 4 Internet Words We Need To Stop Using In Real Life :

4. Totes

Totes and (it’s Irish variation) totes-ma-goats are great words online. It takes effort to type out totally and totes is a great way to shorten it down.When you want to really emphasise something, use totes! It totes work for everything!  See! Totes-ma-goats! ahem 

Totes showcases the lack of patience for writing full words the general Internet has been almost breed into thinking (thanks Twitter!). I believe that saying “totes” in public makes you into a Valley-Girl who spends too much time on her iPhone chatting to her mates on Viber. It’s 10 times worse if you’re a guy. No LAD should ever say totes in public. Which brings me to my next point….

3.LAD

WordPressLAD. ArticleLAD. These need to stop. They are barely tolerable for an online format as it is and saying “insert-noun”LAD in public is the highest level of douche a male human being aged 18-25 can hope to achieve. It’s like driving an Ed-Hardy covered Toyota Celica to McDonalds drive-thru with a wifebeater and backwards cap on and getting upset when you don’t get the Happy Meal toy you wanted. What a cock!

The whole LAD phenomenon revolves around football,funbags and is like reverse-feminism (maybe). LAD’s love to get drunk, talk about sports and tits and be all round “legends”. It is ironic that your legendary status is usually revoked after you say “insert-noun”LAD in a sentence.

2. YOLO/SWAG

I remember back when YOLO was a genuine word. People would use it to express their profound discovery that “Yes, you only live once. Let’s make life feel like the best summer ever.” It encouraged soft-headed folks to become even more soft-headed as they would do ridiculous stuff that they wouldn’t normally do because hey, I’m only gonna live once! YOLO is like Carpe Diem with ADD. It’s fun, there’s two O’s in it and hey, Latin stinks. Swag was YOLO’s partner in crime. Swag was Harley Quinn to Yolo’s Joker. Devious. You usually couldn’t find one without the other.

However, YOLO/SWAG went under a bit of a change. People started using it ironically and for comedic reasons. “Having a glass of water YOLO” Hmm. I fail to see the humour. Yet somehow it became popular and people started to use it in real life, ironically. Cool. Using YOLO/SWAG ironically is the English language equivalent of riding a tricycle with a handlebar moustache and Topman tophat (*cough* hispterrrrrr *cough*).

Personal anecdote: Nothing is more awkward when someone you just met says YOLO/SWAG and you’re not sure if it’s serious or….

1. Fag/Faggot

The English language has changed. Faggot was predominantly used as a word to describe a bundle of sticks. Then it became a word to call a homosexual man. Then it became a word to jokingly insult someone online. Got it? Good. We’ve all seen Internet comments like “STFU, fag” or “OP is a fag!” and it’s all good fun (somewhat) because calling someone a fag online 100% no longer means you are calling them a homosexual or gay.The 21st Century has two types of the word “Gay”. There’s “normal gay” which refers to a person who is homosexual and likes the same sex. Then there’s “gay gay” where people refer to things that suck. Movies, books, their crap job, their broken-down car etc. “I have to work tomorrow. I hate work, it’s so gay.” See the difference?

However, when you use the word Faggot in real life, you are not doing any favours for yourself. Using that word in your own daily life is the equivalent of using Internet memes or Internet slang that someone doesn’t understand. It makes the conversation awkward. The person is thinking “Is this guy a homophobe? Why did he call me a faggot?” while the person who said it is thinking “Uhh, does he not get it? C’mon, everyone uses it online!” Correct. Everyone uses it online. There’s a massive difference between the online language and the everyday language. So please stop trying to mix them both up. Like OMG.

Related articles

• Tufts University Asks Applicants: “What does #YOLO mean to you?” (gawker.com)
• YOLO Coming to Terms With the Tragedy of Itself (thenothingtonpost.com)

3 reasons why The Walking Dead TV show sucks.

HOLY SPOILERS, BATMAN! THIS ARTICLE IS CHOCK FULL OF THEM. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

When The Walking Dead TV show popped onto my radar, I had never heard of the series. I quickly learned that the show was based on a series of comics by Robert Kirkman which I have recently had the pleasure to read. And my oh my, does the TV show stray away from what makes the comics gripping. In fact, the TV show downright blows. It’s awful. And here’s 3 reasons why.

1. There are too many useless characters.

Let’s break it down. The main focus on a Walking Dead anything is the characters. There has to be conflict, friendship, love and hate going on constantly to keep us interested in the characters and their stories. While the show certainly does have these themes in Season 2, there’s an awful lot of stagnant characters floating around in the air that are never actually used.

Let’s look at T-Dog. He’s awesome. He manages to avoid the Zombie trope of “the black person dies first” and I think he’s cool for it. However, he has 0 interactions with other characters that help develop his character. It’s literally a case of “Hey, T-Dog. Go sit over there while Lori and Shane fight.” and T-dog’s response 9/10 times?

“You go, T-Dog. You go.”

Or how about Hershel’s daughter, ehhhmmmm.

*GOOGLES HERSHEL’S DAUGHTER*

Or how about Hershel’s daughter, Beth Greene? She sings a lot. Sweet. That’s an awesome character arc. Oh and she tried to kill herself in Season 2 and then was promoted to being the babyminder in Season 3 after Carl blows his mom’s brains out. Serious character progression! WOO!

“Teen Mom Meets Murdering Monsters!”

I’m still baffled as to why these characters are even here in the first place but they are and we know nothing about them. The prison has more characterisation at this stage.

2. Long periods of nothing happening

The Walking Dead show can efficiently be broken down into the following :

“Wow, that’s fiiiiine entertainment!”

The Walking Dead Season 2 was horrendous for this. I gave up watching it a few times because they were still on the farm for most of the series. And it sucked. The romance plot with Glen and Maggie was a bit weak and the flow of the series came to an absolute stand-still after a very tense and dramatic season opening on the highway. It almost feels like the show takes its viewers for granted. Like it expects us to watch no matter what. And most fans do.

3. Death feels meaningless.

Whenever a character dies in the Walking Dead, it doesn’t feel significant at all. It feels like the character is undergoing a change from being a character to being a problem to other characters. There’s not much time to grieve because the person is going to turn and going to kill everyone else.

Let’s compare a death in the Walking Dead to a memorable death you can think of  in a novel/TV show/movie.

All the characters usually weep/cry or an in shock for a novel/TV show/movie. Maybe you yourself get a little teary-eyed because you can relate to what happened?

😦

In the Walking Dead, you get this.

What is that? Daryl, what is wrong with your face? I didn’t know people dying is relatable to biting a lemon.

Death in The Walking Dead is handled poorly. We are not given enough incentive to care about the characters, we cannot connect emotionally to most of them and when a zombie chomps on the arm, we feel shocked at the most but certainly not sad. It just feels like “Oh. That sucks.” Now compare that to Half-Blood Prince‘s ending and talk to me.

Look, I still think this show can be salvaged. The zombies are fantastic and the combat is brutal and satisfying. However, the Walking Dead is not about the zombies but the characters. So when the characters are not engaging, you have a bloody yet flat TV series. Something needs to change and quick. If Telltale can make a Walking Dead videogame that makes people feel more emotion that 3 seasons of the show, there is definitely something wrong.

Saturday Mornin’ Cartoons: My Top 5 Animated Shows

Cartoons! Who hasn’t loved to watch one at least once in their life? From “Mickey Mouse” to “Tom and Jerry”, everybody has had a favourite animated show.

Here’s my top 5 :

5. Spongebob Squarepants.

I watched Spongebob Squarepants for most of my childhood and recently have found myself returning to watch the shows. One thing that has completely stuck out to me is how I still enjoy them so much. The creators of the show took a children’s show format and made it bright, colourful and fun for kids but also engaging and hilarious for the parents that have to watch it with them. Spongbob Squarepants features great episodes and moments that stand out in my mind ever since I first saw the episode. From the C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G Song to ….

there’s a lot of fantastic moments in what looks on the surface to be a ridiculous children’s show. Spongebob Squarepants is a great children’s show that is secretly for adults.

4. Adventure Time

I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t “get” Adventure Time when it first came out. I remember watching an episode and thinking that it was too much for me to handle.  It felt like I was watching that trippy Beatles movie that was released years ago. There is too much randomness and weird drawings that I felt AT would be more suited to someone with an extremely short attention span or ADD. That’s when I realised that’s exactly who the show is aimed at. Adventure Time is like a rally car speeding down a track and I am the dog on a leash straining to chase after it.The show is fast and relentless. It’s easier just to watch it and not really think about it. However, the show marks a return of “Good Cartoons” (like Ed,Edd ‘n’ Eddy, Dexter’s Lab and PPG) to Cartoon Network with its impecabble cast and John Dimaggio as Jake The Dog is the star of the show for me (next to Lumpy Space Princess of course)

Adventure Time is deliciously fun, random,psychedelic and so out there from what we’re used to seeing that I think everyone should give this mind-trip of a show a chance at least once.

3. Futurama

Futurama is up there with Star Trek and Star Wars in terms of sci-fi entertainment. The show follows Philip J. Fry as he accidentally freezes himself into the year 3000 and then secures a job in intergalactic parcel delivery service. What’s great about this format is that Fry is a stranger to this world as we are. We follow Fry for most of the first series and just as he becomes accustomed to his world and friends, so do we. This allows us to follow other characters’ lives and not feel lost or confused. The use of a parcel-delivery service is a genius plot device as it allows Fry and his friends to journey to new planets and experience new aliens and customs without feeling random or tacked on. It’s a great setup for a show. I enjoy shows that make sense and Futurama works for me.

“Roberto from Insane in The Mainframe is still one of my favourite characters.”

On top of the solid foundation, you have great characters, quotes and also some oddly touching and sad moments. (Fry finding his dog Seymour from the past is still the saddest episode I’ve ever seen in a cartoon show) Futurama is one of those great shows that unfortunately lost its spark but it was fun while it lasted.

2. King Of The Hill

I tell you hwat, King Of The Hill to me is like Sunday Dinners or a warm cup of tea in your nan’s house. It’s comforting and simple. What I enjoy most about King Of The Hill is Hank Hill. He’s a good natured man who is maybe a little too good natured. He tries to be a decent husband, father and friend and lives a sheltered and simple life. King Of The Hill’s best moments are whenever Hank has to interact with Bobby. He teaches him lessons and tries to look out for him but it always ends up with hilarious results. King Of The Hill always stuck out to me as an genuinely enjoyable piece of television that was very simple in nature but very humorous most of the time.

“Dale using pocket sand is still the highlight of the show for me.”

King Of The Hill is a great show and I urge people to check out for a quick giggle and propane accessories.

1. The Simpsons

I grew up with the Simpsons and believe that it is a the pinnacle of good writing in an animated show. Excellent dialogue, great stories and exceptional characters, The Simpsons was once a great show.  However, times have changed and the Simpsons along with it. The classic jokes have been dropped for references to “What’s cool and hip?” such as iPods, Facebook and hipsters. Ugh. However, I firmly believe that Season 2 -10 is an absolute goldmine of jokes and funny moments. These seasons relied on funny characters not funny gags (which the new seasons seem to latch onto the most.) There are simply too many Simpsons jokes to single out as being the best but I think that itself speaks volumes. There’s so many great jokes in this show and any one of them are applicable to daily life. I can’t even tell you how often I quote a Simpsons joke to a real life situation. Here’s one of my favourites because I use it nearly all the time :  

“Homer!” “Whaaaaat?” “Are you ready?” “Just gotta put my shoes on!“

The Simpsons is one of the shows that grows up as you do. I thought Bart was funny when I was a young guy and suddenly when boobs and beer becomes my priorities, Homer J. Simpson became my role model. The Simpsons is one of the greatest animated shows and I will always watch whenever it is on and JUST EAT THE DAMN ORANGE!

Related articles

• TV: TV Club 10: 10 episodes that made King Of The Hill one of the most human cartoons ever (avclub.com)
• Futurama’s John DiMaggio explains why Adventure Time baffled him (io9.com)

Uncharted’s “Bad Guy” is actually Nathan Drake.

Uncharted is videogame series developed by Naughty Dog for the Playstation 3. It features a loveable rogue called Nathan Drake who embarks on world-wide treasure hunting adventures with his on/off girlfriend Elena Fisher and old boozer moustached pal Victor “Sully” Sullivan. Lovely. SOME MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD.

I’m sure most of you reading this know about Uncharted and it’s main character, Nathan Drake. He’s a mischievous scamp that knows a thing or two about history and is a descendant of the old English explorer Sir Francis Drake. He’s cool, funny and tough. The PS3 equivalent of Indiana Jones.

However, unlike Indiana Jones, Nathan Drake has killed enough people throughout the 3 games that puts Stalin to shame. Seriously. I reckon he has killed easily at least 1500 people for the series and for what? Gold. Lots and lots of gold.

“Nathan Drake in his retirement years, complete with solid gold house and rocket car.”

Throughout the games, Drake and his pals are shot at by pirates, mercenaries, thugs, Tibetan warriors and so on . All of them are after the same thing he is. Gold and treasure. Drake is no more of a good guy than the people he shoots at. They’re all after the same prize. Drake usually has negative intentions at the beginning of the treasure hunt but we always learn that the treasure is dangerous and must be destroyed which, to be fair, he always does.

At the end of Uncharted 2, the bad guy is defeated and asks Drake to kill him as he’s easily killed 100 that day alone. Drake refuses but the bad guy is still killed due to a weird, bad plot twist. Drake later remarks that he was just “being a hero”. Yes, he did save the world but for the dozens upon dozens he has killed to do so,  this makes him an anti-hero! He put himself on a pedestal  for saving the world so therefore all his previous killings obviously don’t count….?!

“That’s what most videogame characters are like! They kill hundreds of people to achieve their goals!”  True but most of them do so for a nobler cause than just treasure. It matters more here because the story shouldn’t work out so well if Drake has a body count higher than his phone-number. What I hate about Uncharted is that Drake seems to think he can get away with killing (even though he does) and he believes he is above killing. He kills people with absolutely no remorse or consequences and just gazes off into the sunset with Elena in one arm and Sully in the other as they head towards their luxury yacht while stepping on the skulls of thousands of pirates so they don’t get their shoes dirty from the sand. It’s bad writing  present in an otherwise fantastic series.

My final point about Nathan Drake being a class 1 murdering socio-path is that he has not only killed thousands of pirates but he has actually murdered a civilian doing his job at one point. During the Museum level, Drake is climbing up a building and his buddy, Flynn, spots a guard and radios him saying “There’s a guy above you, there’s a guy above you!” Now up until this point, Drake has stated millions of times that he doesn’t want any casualties or deaths at the museum. So what does he next? He only just pulls a fucking innocent man off a fucking roof. Seriously. He pulls the guard off the roof while Flynn cracks a joke: “There’s a guy below you, there’s a guy below you.” WHAT?!  You can’t even spare the guy. The game actively forces you to press square to kill him. It bothered me so much when I first played that level that Drake would just say LOL and throw an innocent man off a roof to his death. C’mon buddy, I thought you were the good guy!

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Uncharted series. I think it’s the best series the PS3 will ever have but the amount of murder in that game takes away from the whole experience for me personally. Nathan Drake is a stone-cold murdering maniac and everybody loves him.

Everybody loves a handsome killer.

Related articles

• Nolan North: Nathan Drake “Is Me” (escapistmagazine.com)
• Justin Beiber to play Drake in Uncharted movie, according to The Last of US (vg247.com)

Help Wanted: Why Getting A Job In Ireland Is Like Winning The Lotto

Help Wanted!

Positions available, apply within!

If you’re anything like me (a broke teenager desperately searching for employment), you’ve probably seen these signs  either online or in a store at some stage of your life. They get you excited, anxious and give you false confidence that you finally have a great opportunity to enter the working world if even just for a summer. Right?

Looking for a job as a teenager is no easy task. We’re stereotyped into being loud,inexperienced, rude and drug users/alcoholics when the weekend rolls around. The tide is against teens when it comes to getting employment but the effort of this task is amplified when it comes to living in Ireland. For starters, it’s been no secret that the job market is like chimpanzees around a banana tree. There may not be many bananas left and a few clever chimps are holding onto more than one banana (wahey!) but every so often, something  pops up and is quickly snatched up in no time. Not fair.

Availability of jobs is what gives us (potential employees) power. We feel confident when there are more jobs to apply ourselves to. If we muck up an interview, we wouldn’t feel so bad if we have another in a rival supermarket next week, yeah? However, this is such a rare case these days that the idea of having 2 interviews the same week is comparable to Charlie finding TWO Golden Tickets to Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. It doesn’t happen.

But why is getting a job like winning the lotto? It’s all about luck and getting the right combinations of a decent CV and knowing friends in high places. Have you ever heard the phrase “It’s not what you know but it’s who you know?” Fuck that phrase. Lots of Irish employers seem to have asked their granny to knit them a fleece with this embedded across the chest for all to see. People with poor skills, bad habits and generally not suited for the job get hired all because Auntie Margaret’s friend owns the store. It’s not fair, it’s biased and frankly, it’s downright insulting. I understand that you want to help someone out because you know their relations but don’t give a job to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. 

“I am this close to cooking meth for money.Thanks, Irish Employers!”

Now I’m not trying to be bitter or kick in the teeth of Irish Employers but this constant hiring people you know regardless of their experience is turning into a bigger trend than Shag Bands and Scooby Strings. It needs to end. Rant over.

Oh yeah, and what’s up with businesses that don’t even reply to your CV? That’s real sound.

Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon OST Review

Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon was released on Wednesday and I’ve finally gotten my hands on the  DLC. Now I’m not one to usually write about Videogame Music or even DLCs but this soundtrack is thoroughly unique and definitely deserves a review.

Blood Dragon surprised a lot of people. Popping onto the radar of gamers around April 1st, many accepted that it was it was just an elaborate April Fool’s joke with it’s ridiculous premise and bizarre setting and trailers. It was not a joke.

Blood Dragon takes place in alternate 2007 where “The apocalypse has had an apocalypse” and cyborgs are created to take down the bad dudes around the globe. The plot isn’t what’s important here. What is important is the character. Sergeant Rex Colt. He’s a patriotic guy who’s trying to save the world by taking down Sloan, a cyber commando gone rogue!

I’ll spare you the game details and get right to the soundtrack.

Blood Dragon is a borrower. Taking influences from artists like Kavinsky with 80’s synth laced tracks as well as movies like The Terminator and Tron, the OST is full of neon-soaked and synthesiser heavy tracks with thumping electronic drums to get you pumped.

Have a listen to the main theme and tell me that it wouldn’t sit perfectly in an 80’s futuristic cyber thriller : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWuDwNysX-A

Then check out the chilled, transcendent version of the main theme here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGx-eH6b3rY

Power Core combines synth keyboard and drums to give this track a great retro feel. All the songs feel familiar but are 100% fresh off the market. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6cFovamcco

Next up, we have “Sloan’s Assault” which sounds like something cut from the Tron Legacy soundtrack that Daft Punk felt was too good to include. It’s a great, fast song that screams “Derezzed” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FP_ynhVW70

Finally, the Terminator 2-esque song “Warzone”. With the industrial noises of clanging steel and drums, it’s easy to mistake this for the T2 Opening Music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHVXIkVOlKQ

There you have it. Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon OST is something of a gem for fans of the 80’s, synths, cyberpunk, Terminator 2, Tron, Daft Punk….. I could go on! The main thing is if you like your tracks to be 100% synth focused, get your hands on this. Oh and gamers? Do yourself a favour and download this. Meanwhile, I’ll get back to playing…

“Empty Space by Tone Deth” Review

https://soundcloud.com/eoinharnett/empty-space

So I was asked about 5 minutes ago to take a listen to the piece of music linked above and give my opinion on it. Here’s what I think.

“Empty Space” is something of a  musical flashback to earlier decades with a futuristic feel. The track opens up with an almost “Blade Runner/Judge Dredd/Robo Cop” style intro. Then, a gentle twinkling is introduced that would reminisce videogame folks to a space setting like “Mass Effect” or even stargazing itself.

It’s a very futuristic feeling song that would be perfectly welcome in a “cyberpunk” universe if only it had a little more “oomph” or loudness to it. However, unlike cyberpunk music, the track does not have a wobbling percussion or bass kick in at the minute mark. Empty Space is a very minimalist kind of song that some might enjoy and some may not. If you listen to a song waiting for the drums to kick in or the bass to drop, then you might not enjoy this song. If you like to listen to music for what it is without expecting what you think it should sound like, then give this a go. It’s a very twinkly enjoyable song that easy on the ears.

Why “Get Lucky” is my new favourite track of 2013

Listen to “Get Lucky” right here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NV6Rdv1a3I

The electronic music duo from an unregistered planet in outer space “Daft Punk” have returned to the music scene with their new funk-tastic track “Get Lucky”. If you’re a fan of the robots, you know that this return was something that the electronic music scene has been aching for. Tron Legacy’s soundtrack which was composed by the two felt epic and very “computerized” but it lacked the rhythm and beat we’ve expected from hits like Robot Rock and Around The World.

Get Lucky is a stellar return to form with a deep groovy bass and sensual singing. The track features Pharrell Williamsand Nile Rodgers who absolutely boost the track to a new level with their excellent musical talents.

However, “Get Lucky” is my favourite track of 2013 for a completely different reason. The song evokes memories of 70’s funk/disco songs from the likes of Curtis Mayfield or Diana Ross. The reason why this track is my favourite this year is because of the simplicity of it and how it sounds completely different to anything we’ve heard this year. The music industry is too reliant on bass and dubstep these days that they forgot the simplicity of having a good beat and something you can strut your stuff to.. Not turn into a robot and have a seizure with. No thanks, DUBSTEP!

No, Get Lucky brings GROOVE back into the music scene. There’s a certain love of how the song sounds old but is 100% fresh off the market that makes me happy. “Get Lucky” is already being played on my local radio shoved in-between Will.I.Am and Taylor Swift yet rises above both of them immensely in terms of wanting to crank up the volume and bust a move.

“Get Lucky” is a sign of great things to come for Daft Punk. You wait and see!

Short Introductions Examples

Dublin is an exciting treasure chest of bargains and discoveries resting on the brown murky waters of the River Liffey. From George’s Arcade where people scrounge looking for the best deal like a child trying to find the best toy in the shop to Temple Bar where its tantalising smells of home-cooked meals and melodic sounds of buskers entice tourists from all over.

When the Leaving Cert is finished, the students burst forth from the school in a rush like surging water from a collapsing dam. The energy and excitement is ecstatic with future promises like unforgettable summer holidays on the beach with friends, opening a college letter with fumbling hands or awkwardly saying “Hello” in a lecture hall full of potential friends they just don’t know yet.

Whispers under the dark sea of black umbrellas came to a hush. As the coffin was lowered with a delicate pace, James O’ Reilly’s mother and father burst into tears that were lost in the rain. The mother clutched her handkerchief tightly as if she was holding the hand of her son one last time. The priest solemnly read lyrics to James’ favourite “Oasis” songs casting an echo back to the happier days before the young boy was murdered on his school holiday.

It can be fair to say that getting up in the morning for media writing classes is like sailing into the wind off the coast of Galway in poor conditions. It is a constant battle between your tiredness and your dedication like a sailor combatting the wind to reach his destination.  It takes effort and maybe a hot cup of tea or two to grease the wheels and get your mind racing again.

The overcrowded prison was expanding in numbers like a balloon with too much air. It was only a matter of time until it burst. The medical staff worked their fingers to the bone with futile attempts to provide clean and competent care for all but the outbreak of diseases was a violent tornado ripping through a trailer park. No-one was safe.